


Overload

by akapolarbear



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Prescription Drugs, are you sick of me yet?, because that's right kiddos it's another adhd byakuya fic, but she does have a scene so i thought it appropriate to tag her, i'm not even gonna hide it this is vent fic, it's mostly byakuya doing the hurting and makoto trying to do the comforting, kind of? i guess, mikan's only really there for five seconds, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 04:46:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16695691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akapolarbear/pseuds/akapolarbear
Summary: Makoto hasn't seen Byakuya all day.(everything is too much right now.)





	Overload

**Author's Note:**

> so hey, y'all thought "Distraction" was projection? well, boy howdy do i have a treat for you!! uh last week i had a really, really bad case of adhd overwhelm to the point where just functioning like a normal human being was out of the question. and it left me with a lot of residual bad feelings that i knew i absolutely had to get out before the thanksgiving holiday rolled around, so i dealt with it the best way i knew how and wrote gay vent fic
> 
> this was a very quick and dirty write over the course of just a few days, i edited it and made it presentable to general audiences the best i could, but just keep in mind while reading, two things: one, this was a rush to get out, and two, it came at least in some part from a bad headspace
> 
> but enough of the preamble, you didn't come here for that

He hasn't seen Byakuya all day.  
  
Now, it's not like Makoto's under the notion that he needs to know what Byakuya's doing and where he is every hour of every day. That's ridiculous. He understands the concepts of "alone time" and "personal space" perfectly well. He isn't looking to be attached to Byakuya's hip 24/7.   
  
The problem is that no one else has seen Byakuya all day either.  
  
He didn't show up to the dining hall that morning after the wake-up bell for breakfast. Yes, Byakuya has been known on occasion to forgo actually eating in the mornings, but skipping his morning coffee is practically unheard of for him. However, Makoto was willing to chalk that up to happenstance; maybe they just missed each other. It isn't like that's never happened before.  
  
Makoto then thought to check the library before the bell for first period, because on mornings where Byakuya has decided that he isn't particularly hungry and he isn't in the mood for interacting with others, that's where he takes his coffee to enjoy it in silence. Makoto's intentions were only going to be a quick pop in, a  _good morning_ , maybe a  _how'd you sleep?_  accompanied a quick peck on the cheek, just a small casual conversation before class started. But those intentions fell apart when he popped in, only to find that Byakuya wasn't there.  
  
At that point, Makoto had been a little disappointed, sure, but still thought nothing of it. So he'd been unlucky twice now in just happening to miss his boyfriend that morning, nothing to be concerned about.  
  
No, the concern didn't crop up until class when roll call started and Byakuya still hadn't arrived.  
  
Byakuya didn't miss class for no good reason. Though, yes, he through his own admittance had said that he found classes dull, he didn't make a habit out of skipping just for the hell of it, no matter how boring he might find the teachers' lecturing. Byakuya's absence from class, along with his previous vanishing acts leaves Makoto uneasy, and he finds himself briefly checking his phone during a moment when the teacher looks away, just to be absolutely sure he hadn't missed a text in which Byakuya mentioned he wouldn't be around that day due to work or some prior arrangement with his father.   
  
But no, the last text between him and Byakuya in his contacts is from three days ago in which he confirmed that he'd be ready for their date by six o'clock.  
  
Makoto isn't the only one who notices Byakuya's sudden absence either. As soon as the teacher reads out the name "Byakuya Togami", only for the response to be complete silence, he's made distinctly aware of how a few of his classmates turn their gaze to him, like he was Byakuya's keeper or something. In particular, Toko glowers at him in a way that makes him think she's trying to make him spontaneously combust, Junko raises one prim, platinum blond eyebrow in his direction, and even Hiro leans halfway across the aisle between desks to indiscreetly whisper, " _Yo, psst, Makoto, where's your boyfriend?_ "  
  
The only answer he can offer in return is a half-hearted shrug and he feels awful about it. Aside from the snag of Byakuya's absence, the rest of calling attendance goes off without a hitch and the lecture begins soon after, but Makoto can't help but find it hard to focus on the lesson. He keeps shooting glances over at the door to the classroom, hoping that this time when he looks, it'll be just in time to see Byakuya strolling in like nothing's wrong and like he isn't ridiculously late, and then when the teacher asks him just where exactly he's been, he'll say something stupid and cocky like, "My name is Byakuya Togami, the particulars of my schedule don't pertain to you."  
  
He never does. Before Makoto realizes it, the lunch bell is ringing, leaving him to notice that half a day of class has gone by and he's been too distracted to even think of taking notes. As he packs up his things, he offhandedly hopes that Kyoko will let him borrow hers for both his and Byakuya's sake. He decides he'll ask her later, once he actually  _finds_  Byakuya and can finally stop worrying about him.  
  
His first stop to check is at the nurse's office on the first floor. Following the logic of Byakuya never cutting class unless for a good reason, Makoto figures that maybe he had gotten sick and that's why he hadn't been able to attend, because of a sudden illness. He pokes his head in through the door, but a quick scan of the room shows that the only person actually present is the nursing assistant from the class above him.   
  
He's dishearted for a moment until, in his eternal optimism, he thinks that maybe Byakuya just wouldn't be willing to actually  _stay_  in the nurse's office. Being forced to rest on a thin, flimsy metal frame cot, surrounded by the smell of disinfectants and sterilized everything,  _and_  being made to interact with someone else not even from his class? It all paints a picture of a very un-Byakuya-friendly environment. So to confirm, he cautiously steps inside and calls out, "Um, excuse me?"  
  
He then immediately feels bad about it, because her immediate reaction is to squeal in surprise, jump up from her seat at the desk, and whip around in place to face him, all at once, which doesn't end up well for her. She almost ends up falling over her own chair and onto the floor in the process, just barely managing to catch herself. Makoto gets the feeling from watching that near-disaster of a fall that if her chair had been one of those ones with wheels on the bottom, she might have not been so lucky. "A-ah, I'm sorry! I-I'm so, so sorry I wasn't paying attention, please forgive me!"  
  
"Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's okay! I didn't mean to startle you or anything!" Makoto replies, hands flying up in apology.   
  
Her eyes widen and she trembles, wringing her hands in her apron when she says, "Oh, p-please, no, don't apologize on my be-behalf; I'm s-sorry that you had to bear witness to my clumsiness!"  
  
Makoto is absolutely positive that this conversation is going to go nowhere if they keep this up, and while he does feel bad for the girl, the fact that he still doesn't know where Byakuya is or if he's okay is enough to keep him from falling into a neverending downward spiral of apology. "Uh, right. Well, I was just wondering if maybe a guy named Byakuya Togami stopped by here at some point today?"  
  
"Byakuya Togami?" She practically squeaks out his boyfriend's name and Makoto really hopes that it's a squeak of recollection and not confusion. However, once again, he's left with cold, nauseous disappointment for what seems like the dozenth time that day when her face scrunches with regret and she shakes her head, long hair whipping around her. "N...no, that name doesn't sound f-familiar, I'm afraid. I-I'm sorry I couldn't be more useful to you!"  
  
The urge to apologize for bothering her rises in Makoto's throat and he has to bite the inside of his lip to stop himself. "Oh, uh, well...it-it's fine, thanks, anyway." He hastily makes his exit before she can find something else to be sorry for and finds himself out of ideas. If Byakuya isn't sick, then why would he have missed class? If it had been for work, he's sure that Byakuya would have mentioned as much to him with a phone call or a text message, something just so Makoto could mention to the teacher that Byakuya wasn't skipping class, but rather was priorly engaged.   
  
Well...wait. There is one place Makoto hasn't thought to check yet, simply because it seemed too obvious. Still, he's desperate at this point, so maybe the obvious is exactly where he should be searching.  
  
That's how he finds himself standing in front of the door to Byakuya's dorm room. Makoto really isn't expecting much when he presses the doorbell, but it's worth a shot and if Byakuya isn't here, then consider it just another disappointment he can add to the list of today. "Hey, Byakuya? It's me, Makoto, uh...are you there?"  
  
He waits and listens, not exactly sure what he's listening for. It isn't like it matters, because whatever he was hoping to hear, he doesn't hear at all. In fact, he doesn't hear much of anything really. Even still, he presses the doorbell just once more and lingers, holding his breath for the doorknob to twist and the door to swing open, revealing a maybe slightly put-off, but more or less okay Byakuya standing there.  
  
It doesn't happen. Makoto's shoulders slump, even if he had expected as much. Well...maybe he should check the dining hall now? After all, it  _is_  the lunch period, and if Byakuya really had missed breakfast, then he has to eat sooner or later at some point today, right? He turns on his heel to leave the dormitory hallway, but he only gets three steps away at most when the buzzing in his pocket catches his attention. He swipes the lock screen on his phone and what greets him is a text notification...from Byakuya.  
  
_the door_ _isn't_ _locked._  
  
It takes Makoto a second to piece together what exactly that means, but when it clicks, he whips his back around towards Byakuya's dorm room. All at once, Makoto's heart lightens, knowing that Byakuya is okay, he's in his room, he hasn't gotten kidnapped or vanished off the face of the planet or whatever it is he was so worried about.   
  
But...if he's been in his room this whole time, why would he miss class? This whole time, Makoto's been running off the assumption that something must have happened, but if Byakuya really is fine and safe in his room...  
  
He can only think of two solutions to this problem: either Byakuya's just being a major ass (which...Makoto supposes isn't terribly out of character for him) or Byakuya  _isn't_  actually fine.  
  
And just like that, the levity is gone, replaced with an unsettling dread.  _No, this'll be okay_ , he tells himself as he wets his lips and places his hand that only slightly shaking on the doorknob.  _It'll all be okay, he's probably just fine. Relax.  
  
_The first thing he notices when he opens the door is that Byakuya's room is very dark. His hand instinctively reaches for the light switch on the wall, but stops short before his fingertips even graze the plastic. This isn't his room, he can't just waltz on in and turn on the lights like it is. If it's dark, that must be because Byakuya wants it to be dark for...whatever reason. A migraine, maybe? If that's the case, then Makoto probably doesn't want to be letting in any light from the hallway to make it worse, so he slowly and silently closes the door behind him.  
  
Immediately afterwards, he realizes that was a huge mistake because his eyes hadn't properly adjusted to the darkness yet and now he can't see  _anything_. He's left just standing there, squinting into the blackness of the room and praying that his pupils hurry up and get adjusted to the lack of light, because while Makoto wouldn't say he's  _scared_  of the dark, he's not exactly comfortable standing in absolute pitch darkness.  
  
"...What do you want?"   
  
Makoto jumps because he'd been so distracted by the fact that it was  _so damn dark_  in here that he forgot, oh right, he's supposed to be here visiting his absentee boyfriend. From first impressions, Byakuya doesn't sound congested or sick, so Makoto figures he can cross that off the list of potential reasons why Byakuya's been locked in his room all day. He does sound...tired, though; Makoto isn't exactly sure how to describe it. He's speaking too slowly, not as clear-cut and sharply as he usually sounds.   
  
"Well, you...didn't show up for class and no one knew where you were, so..." Makoto blinks in rapid succession a few times and now that he's finally,  _slowly_  starting to get used to the darkness, he can sort of make out a vague figure huddled up on the bed. He's assuming that's Byakuya, because there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the room and that was definitely Byakuya's voice, but from what little he can see, it seems odd: the posture, the slouch of the shoulders, it's...off, in a way he can't quite place.  
  
Byakuya doesn't answer immediately. For a split second, Makoto wonders if maybe he didn't hear him, but dismisses the possibility soon after. There's no way Byakuya couldn't hear him, it's not like there's any other sound in this room to drown him out. In fact, it's almost spooky how dead silent the room is, and with that in combination with the overwhelming darkness, Makoto's left feeling unnerved. After what feels like an agonizingly long time to wait for a response, he finally hears Byakuya say, "...I'm right here. I never, I, n-no, ah,  _dammit_ -" There's a pause followed by a long, slow exhale, and then a second pause. "...I've been here all day. Is that all?"  
  
Makoto's uneasiness flares. Byakuya doesn't stutter or stumble over his own words like he's choking on them. He's always spoken clearly, concisely with an unshakable confidence. Something's wrong. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Perfectly fine; if that's all you wanted, then  _go._ " The words come out stiffly through a clenched jaw and the strain on Byakuya's voice on that last word is distinctly obvious. He's lying, desperately at that if he's not even willing to  _try_  to sound convincing.  
  
He's being awfully pushy on getting Makoto to leave, but...is leaving him here alone in his room in the dark really the best thing for him? Makoto's worried; _reasonably_  so, he thinks. Nothing about this scenario is right and just walking away to leave Byakuya wallowing in his misery sounds like a terrible idea. "Is...it a migraine?" Makoto makes sure to lower his volume level, just in case that really is the problem here. "I can go the nurse's office to get you some medicine if-"  
  
" _No._ " Byakuya's voice is harsh, insistent, and undeniably irritated. "Just... _stop_. Stop  _talking_."  
  
It stings, quite frankly, being shut down so quickly. All Makoto wants to do is help, because he might not be a genius, but he sure as hell isn't  _stupid_  and the idea that Byakuya is "perfectly fine", as he puts it, is ridiculous. He wishes that Byakuya wouldn't be so damn stubborn and stand-offish like this when he's clearly suffering. He doesn't like seeing his boyfriend so blatantly miserable and he just wants to take some of that suffering away, but how is he supposed to  _do_  that when Byakuya won't even say what the problem  _is_?  
  
Makoto already knows that asking again won't get him anywhere; he's already been snapped at once. But on the other hand, just walking away and leaving Byakuya to his own devices is also out of the question; he can't just  _leave_ , not like _this._  For a few moments of tense, dark silence, it seems they're left at a stalemate. At Byakuya's request, he keeps his mouth snapped shut, and in return, Makoto isn't issued anymore demands to get out.  
  
...Wait. All Byakuya said was to stop  _talking_ , right? In that case... Makoto pulls out his phone from his pocket and, after blinking away the sudden blindness from the screen's backlighting, opens up his text contacts. It doesn't take him long to find what he's looking for, tapping the most recent conversation from just a few minutes prior and responding,  _can u pls tell me whats wrong?_  
  
Instantly, Byakuya's face is illuminated by the light from his own phone sitting in his lap and he winces, squeezing his eyes shut tight against the brightness. For the first time today, Makoto is able to get a good look at his boyfriend and now he's really glad that he chose not to leave; Byakuya looks  _awful._  Or, well, not  _awful_  awful, like most people's level of awful, but awful for Byakuya awful. His hair is disheveled like he hasn't bothered to comb it yet, he isn't wearing his glasses which only accentuates how exhausted he looks, and from what Makoto can tell, it looks like he also hasn't bothered to change out of his pajamas yet.  
  
Judging by all that, Makoto has to wonder if Byakuya's bothered to get out of bed at  _all_  today.  
  
Either way, he's willing to wait patiently for a response, watching quietly as Byakuya has to fumble for the glasses left on his nightstand. Once said glasses are on his face, he glares blearily at his phone screen before shifting his gaze upward to train his stare on Makoto. Aside from the general exhaustion written all over him, Byakuya's expression is unreadable and Makoto can't tell if that's supposed to be a look that means, "I told you to  _leave_."  
  
However, he does then notice that, when Byakuya's eyes fall back to his phone, his boyfriend is slowly taking the time to type out a reply. A few seconds later and Makoto's phone vibrates in his hand, his notifications displaying the message,  _everything is too much right now._  
  
Makoto's brow furrows, because that...didn't actually explain much of anything. Too much?  _i dont understand, what does that mean?_  
  
The question draws a huff of frustration from Byakuya, and the next reply comes quickly:  _noise_ , which is then almost immediately followed up with,  _stress, everything_. Makoto feels a bit guilty now, for a few reasons. The first is that, if noise really was bothering Byakuya so much today, he hadn't exactly been helping with the doorbell ringing or the asking questions. It'd been done with the best intentions, sure, but he can't stop feeling a little bad about it nonetheless.   
  
The second is that he hadn't even considered stress as a factor at all, simply because sometimes it's hard for him to imagine Byakuya getting stressed. It's shortsighted and wrong, he knows, especially considering that Byakuya's only in high school and yet he already has a serious business management job, but with the way Byakuya's able to handle himself most of the time, it just slips Makoto's mind that even though Byakuya  _pretends_  to be perfect, he's only human at the end of the day.  
  
_im sorry_ , Makoto answers, hoping that much can suffice for now, because going deep into the details of all the reasons he feels sorry over text seems clunky and he doesn't want to bombard Byakuya with a text wall essay.   
  
Byakuya just stares at message at first and as far as Makoto can tell, he's not making any effort to type out a reply either. Not like Makoto can really blame him; he's having a rough time today and it's not like Makoto's "im sorry" is going to suddenly make all that vanish. He's about to tack on an offer to do anything he can to help when he notices the three dots on his screen, signifying that Byakuya's already typing a response. Makoto doesn't want to cut him off, so instead, he waits and what he gets in return is,  _i haven't taken my medication today._  
  
The gasp that draws from him is involuntary and he isn't fast enough to remember that, no, Byakuya wants things  _quiet_  right now, before he can stop it. He still tries, however, and the resulting noise that comes from him is a sort of breathy choking. He hastily glances up, expecting fully to see Byakuya glaring at him from over the rim of his glasses for breaking their unspoken silence policy, but no, Byakuya's eyes are trained firmly on the phone sitting in his lap.  
  
Since learning of his boyfriend's disorder, Makoto's made an effort to learn more about ADHD as a whole. After all, his initial reaction to hearing that Byakuya had the disorder was...less than great, by his own admittance, and his original ideas of what having the disorder meant for a person were way off, it seemed. He'd like to think he'd learned a lot during his research and now some of the things that Byakuya does make a lot more sense in hindsight, like how he absolutely cannot stand being interrupted while he's in the middle of doing something or why trying to get his attention in what he deems the "wrong way" is treated as a major slight against him.  
  
But for all his research and reading up on the topic, Makoto's pretty sure you're not just supposed to go off your meds on a whim, especially not when you've been taking them for almost ten years up to that point.  
  
_why not?_ , he asks, after considering for a moment how best to respond. He doesn't want to come off as accusatory or try to make it seem like he knows better when he clearly doesn't. Makoto has his doubts about suddenly deciding  _not_  to take your daily prescription, but Byakuya must have a reason for it, right? He's never complained about taking his pills before and on some occasions, alluded to them being an absolute necessity for his day to day function, but...there has to be a reason, right?  
  
Makoto watches as Byakuya stiffly types out his answer, eyes never once lifting from the screen.  _because i can't find them._  
  
Oh. Well...yeah, Makoto supposes that  _would_  be a reason, huh? It makes a lot more sense that Byakuya literally  _can't_  take them than him deciding that he suddenly doesn't need them anymore, especially if they go off the assumption that his current state of disarray is  _due_  to the fact that he hasn't taken his pill. It's also much easier solved issue than debating with Byakuya about how he really shouldn't be disobeying doctor's orders.  _thats ok,_   _i can help u look for them_ , he offers, feeling a wave of relief over the idea that there's something simple he can do to ease Byakuya's suffering.  
  
Byakuya doesn't share in his optimism, it seems, because the next response doesn't come in the form of a text message. "No, you... _idiot_ ," he snaps, jaw set tight and seething,"I already  _looked_  for them. They - they're  _gone._ " His voice isn't that loud, it's just tense and maybe a bit hoarse, but Makoto still recoils at the suddenness of it all, almost dropping his phone as his whole body goes cold. He doesn't understand; why is Byakuya getting so  _angry?_ He just wants to  _help_ , isn't that obvious?   
  
...Maybe he's just making everything worse. Maybe coming here was a mistake. Maybe Makoto should've just left Byakuya to mope in the dark if this was how he was going to act.   
  
It hurts, thinking of it that way. He doesn't think it's... _entirely_  fair to blame Byakuya for his behavior, but also the way he's  _acting_  isn't  _fair_ either _._  All Makoto knows is that he doesn't want to stand here and get yelled at for just trying to do the right thing, so maybe he should just go, try coming back at a later time when Byakuya isn't being so...mean. He tucks his phone back into his pocket, but doesn't get the chance to turn to leave when Byakuya says, "W-wait. No, I - I didn't...don't go."  
  
There's a sort of awkward, forceful desperation to his voice and Makoto can't help but equate it to... _begging._ He doesn't say as much out loud, though, because god knows Byakuya would deny it and Makoto isn't interested at being snapped at again. Part of him still thinks he should leave; he's so upset that this whole day he's been nothing but concerned about Byakuya's well-being and when he tries to show it, he just gets called an idiot for it. But at the same time, there's something about Byakuya's tone, that rare vulnerability that Makoto doesn't think he's heard from him before...  
  
His phone vibrates. The message on the screen reads,  _i didn't mean it.  
  
that was mean_, Makoto answers plainly.  
  
_i_ _know. please stay._  
  
_im_ _not gonna stay if ur just gonna yell at me_  
  
_i_ _won't anymore. please._  
  
_fine_  
  
Makoto's emotions are still raw and stinging, but even still, walking out on Byakuya now after he'd repeatedly asked him not to leave doesn't feel right. He's still not entirely happy about all this, but he doesn't think leaving is going to make him feel any better either.   
  
A silence settles between them like a thick fog that he doesn't dare break because even if Byakuya said he's done yelling, Makoto is once burned, twice shy. That leaves Byakuya to cut through it with a slow-spoken and quiet, "...I already checked the entire room. I don't know... _how_  they disappeared or where they went, but my pills definitely aren't here. There's no point in looking for them."  
  
Makoto isn't entirely sure if their silence policy is still in effect or not, but he'd rather not push it and run the risk of exposing himself to any more of Byakuya's irritation, so he shrugs mechanically and types out,  _so what r u gonna do then?_  
  
"I've...made arrangements with my father," Byakuya says as he stares down at his phone. "The order's been placed for a replacement refill and..." His words hang as he hesitates to finish his sentence, but it doesn't look like a deliberate pause; rather, Byakuya's brow tightens like he's confused at his own statement. However, after a few seconds of blankly staring at his lap, he blinks and pinches the bridge of his nose as he finally finishes, "A-ah, and I'll have to pick them up tomorrow."  
  
_oh ok_ , Makoto answers. He does feel a little bit guilty for being so curt with Byakuya, but he has nothing else to say.  
  
"Do you, erm - ...would you like to accompany me?" Byakuya offers after a bit of stumbling over his words.   
  
It's hardly a date - a trip together to the pharmacy, really? - but it feels in part like an attempt to make amends. Makoto shrugs again and answers,  _yea sure,_ _i_ _guess_  
  
Byakuya's jaw tightens as he sighs, and Makoto takes that as a sign of anger and bitterly steels himself to get chewed out yet _again_. However, where he's expecting another short-tempered remark, what he receives instead is a carefully phrased, "I...understand that you're upset with me. I...I shouldn't have snapped at you when you - you're only trying to help. That was wrong of me and...I'm sorry."  
  
The apology simmers for a bit and Makoto lets it sink in. He's upset. He's  _allowed_  to be upset; he doesn't think he's done anything wrong here. All he's done is try to show that he cares and Byakuya's the one that keeps throwing it back at him like he's screwing it up. If anything,  _Byakuya's_  the one to blame here;  _he's_  the one acting like the jerk.  
  
But...Byakuya's also the one who's not on his medications. Byakuya's also the one who's been so overtaken by stress today that he can't even get out of bed. Byakuya's also the one who's not in his proper state of mind. Maybe trying to assign blame right now isn't the best course of action.  
  
The apology's still in the air, hanging and waiting for a response. It doesn't cool the stinging ache in Makoto's chest entirely, but it does ease the rawness of it all, just enough to suck the last of that bitterness from him. He never  _was_  any good at staying angry for too long. _its ok,_  he finally says with a heavy sigh after a long pause, but then realizes that still comes off a bit too short and could be taken insincerely, so he makes eye contact and nods his head to reaffirm the meaning. Then, just to make sure he's still not misunderstood, he adds,  _i_ _can forgive u_  
  
Makoto doesn't notice how tense Byakuya's shoulders are until they loosen and drop after reading the second text. "Thank you," he whispers.  
  
Makoto doesn't say anything else. Even if he could think of anything to add, he doesn't think he needs to. Instead, he places his phone back into his pocket and when Byakuya shoots him look that's half panicked, half upset, he says, as softly as he can manage, "No, it's okay, I'm not leaving." He told Byakuya he'd stay and he doesn't plan on going back on that promise. What his real intentions are are to carefully try to maneuver himself in the darkness over to Byakuya's bed. He stumbles a bit on the carpeting and almost runs into the dresser, but he eventually makes it and places himself on the edge of the mattress. Once there, he puts a hand to his pocket and asks, "Is talking okay now or should I get my phone back out?"  
  
"It - no, it's fine, just...quietly, if you can," Byakuya responds, crossing his arms and glancing away in a way that suggests shame. "I realize that, maybe - perhaps my initial demands for silence were...childish."  
  
"No, it's...okay, you said it was 'too much', remember?" Makoto still doesn't quite understand what that means and he probably never will, not entirely, but if whatever Byakuya was feeling was so bad that he felt that he had to hide himself away in his room all day, then he can't imagine that being "childish".  
  
Byakuya nods slowly. "Yes, it...I'm not sure how to explain. Words aren't exactly..." He does it again, Makoto notices; one of those pauses where he doesn't look all too sure himself of why he stopped, eyebrows lightly knitted together in confusion. This one takes just a little bit longer than the last one, but eventually, his brain seems to catch up with the rest of him and he shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts. "Th-they aren't exactly a strong point for me today, as...as I'm sure you've noticed."  
  
Byakuya's phone is still on and sitting in his lap, and the backlight makes it so Makoto doesn't miss the faint pink that blooms on his face as he speaks. Very rarely is Makoto graced with the sight of Byakuya blushing and while he isn't taking delight in the fact that his boyfriend is embarrassed, he can't help the touch of warmth he feels spreading in his chest afterward. Byakuya's always been very adamant about denying that he's "cute" - he prefers more sophisticated compliments like "charming" or "handsome" - but Makoto's of the school of thought that it's entirely possible to be all three and in his humble opinion, Byakuya fits that bill.  
  
"You don't need to explain." Makoto reaches over to take Byakuya's hand. Because of the dark, he misses at first, instead taking a hold of the silk cuff of Byakuya's button-up pajama top, but then works his way down and grabs Byakuya's palm. "It's alright," He says, emphasizing his statement with a reassuring squeeze.  
  
The expression on Byakuya's face reads like he wants to say more, but no words come. Makoto offers another gentle squeeze to try and coax whatever it is out of him which results in a very quiet, "Could I...is it - can I ask you for a favor?"  
  
Makoto doesn't think he's the best caretaker in the world, but he's at least definitely willing to try his best. "Of course, what can I do for you?"  
  
This time, it's Byakuya's grip who tightens around Makoto's hand. "Stay."  
  
The request doesn't make much sense at first; after all, he already said he wouldn't leave earlier and now Makoto's even moved closer to sit with Byakuya on the bed. In his mind, that all seems pretty solidified as the actions of someone who isn't just going to walk out. However, the way Byakuya's hold on his hand doesn't loosen like he refuses to let go anytime soon clues Makoto in to the true meaning of what Byakuya's asking. "Wait, are you...do you mean you want me to  _skip class_?"  
  
"I...I don't want you to go," Byakuya says like he's ashamed to say it out loud. "I - that is, I mean, I..." He tenses and grinds his teeth, breathing his frustration out through a sigh. It takes him a little bit and a few slow breaths before he's able to get it out, but Makoto's willing to be patient if he needs to take his time. Finally, Byakuya quietly mumbles, "...I don't want to be alone right now."  
  
In a different scenario, it might have sounded funny, Byakuya begrudgingly admitting that he wants Makoto to stay with him despite initially doing everything in his power to get Makoto to leave. But...Makoto thinks that maybe he understands a little bit better now. Byakuya only kept asking him to leave when he first arrived, but then as soon as Makoto switched their communication method to via text, all attempts to push him away stopped. Also, as far as he knows, Byakuya's been by himself all day. And on top of all that, if Byakuya really didn't want Makoto around, then why would he have bothered telling Makoto the door wasn't locked, essentially inviting him in, in the first place?  
  
Maybe he's being a little presumptuous, but Makoto's starting to think that Byakuya's been lonely this entire time, but is just too proud to say it.  
  
The idea of leaving Byakuya by himself again with that thought in mind...Makoto doesn't think he can manage it. "I don't really think I would've been able to pay much attention in class anyway. Not knowing that you're here all by yourself." He was already planning to copy Kyoko's notes from the morning block of classes anyway. He doesn't think she'll mind too much if he has to do it for the second half of classes too.  
  
For the second time that day, Byakuya releases a breath Makoto didn't realize he was holding and says much more softly than Makoto's ever heard from him, "Thank you."  
  
"Ah, but..." It's just occurred to him that it's the lunch period and he was so concerned about Byakuya, he hasn't bothered to stop by the dining hall yet. "Is it okay if I go get food real quick? I swear I won't be gone long, and if you don't mind, I'll even bring it back to your room to eat." Actually, come to think of it, now that he's on the topic... "W-wait, have...have  _you_  eaten today?"  
  
He's pretty sure he already knows the answer from context clues, but that doesn't stop the disappointment he feels when Byakuya's response is to cough and look away. "W-well, I - that..."  
  
"That's a no," Makoto answers for him and when Byakuya doesn't bother to correct him, he sighs. "Okay, then, I guess I'll get food for both of us. Will you be alright while I'm gone?"  
  
Byakuya huffs a little when he replies, "I'm not an invalid, I can manage ten minutes on my own." Makoto can't help but feel that that's a tiny bit ironic coming from the one who practically just begged him to skip class so he could stay, but he doesn't say as much and just chooses to smile instead.  
  
"Alright," he says as he hops off the edge of the bed, "I'll be back in a little bit." He almost leaves it at that, but then hesitates for a moment. Rather than just leave for the dining hall immediately, he turns back to Byakuya, straightens some of the blond's unkempt bangs, and then places a gentle kiss to his forehead.  
  
The sudden display of affection draws forth a quiet, subtle gasp from Byakuya that Makoto might have missed if it weren't for their proximity. Typically, Byakuya would the type to recover quickly from that sort of struck silence, but today, as he said earlier, is not a good day for words with him. It's a rare kind of treat for Makoto to see Byakuya so completely stunned by something as small as a simple kiss.   
  
Unfortunately, Makoto really is starting to feel the hunger of not having lunch yet, so he has to leave Byakuya to his own devices, blinking in bewilderment and lips parted for words that aren't coming. But as he turns and starts to head for the door, finally, after what Makoto can only assume is him struggling with an internalized debate of how to actually respond, Byakuya's brain finally lands on saying, "...I love you."  
  
All it takes it those three words for Makoto to stop short. The ache in his chest from earlier from all of Byakuya's biting irritation has long since vanished. Instead, what he's left with is a lightness that leaves his heart soothed and excited all that once. There's a smile spread across his face when he answers, "Yeah...love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> so i'm just gonna...retroactively blame all out of character-ness on the fact that it's because Byakuya's off his meds, despite there technically being no canon evidence that he's even on meds in the first place. look, it's vent fic; i ain't gotta explain shit


End file.
